It's Alive!
So after vacuuming a ton of dust out of my PC I managed to start it, but it was still fucked up. Before I did something drastic and costly, I wanted to check once more if it is only a software problem. After some futile google searching I found this page describing a problem almost exactly like mine. Two simple lines of code:
Nothing happened until I restarted, and then everything was back to normal (or at least the way it was before). I'm not sure what this does, but it looks like it deletes a bunch of Gnome defaults and recreates default values.
sudo rm -f /var/lib/gconf/defaults/*
sudo gconf-schemas --register $(ls /usr/share/gconf/schemas)
Nothing happened until I restarted, and then everything was back to normal (or at least the way it was before). I'm not sure what this does, but it looks like it deletes a bunch of Gnome defaults and recreates default values.